


Not Youthful, Not Indiscretion

by ZiZiLuPone



Category: Patti Lupone - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Out of spite decision, Sort of...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26565013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZiZiLuPone/pseuds/ZiZiLuPone
Summary: ,,I've been thinking of this for few weeks already…and I have already studio, where I'd like to have it from. I can't live only with the memories, which may fade in few more weeks. I don't want to forget any single detail, about him. How he smelled, how he tasted, how he looked, how he made me feel…'' she whimpered, as they were already far from the crowd in front of theatre, since they get too forward on the side walk. ,,I can't forget about him. And I won't, and this…will help me to not forget,'' Patti suddenly stopped, making them all stumble, as all three watched her with interest.
Kudos: 1





	Not Youthful, Not Indiscretion

,,And that's gonna be our first date. He's so sweet,'' Douglas smiled, as Christine reacted positively on his date. At that moment, Patti invaded room, going straightly to coffee machine.

,,I'm so happy for you,'' Joanna nodded with smile, before she stood up ,,Okay, I gotta go, see you on Monday, guys,'' she yet waved at them, before she went to dress room, for her coat, and out of building.

,,And so, what's new by you, Patti ?'' Douglas asked as Patti picked up her cup of hot coffee and made her way to their table, sitting beside Christine, right opposite Doug and John.

,,Hmm ?'' raising her eyes to her co-stars, as she first didn't catch the question, since she was thinking of her own things.

,,I asked what's new ? I'm going on date next Friday, John will be out of town for weekend and Christine's daughter is going to college,'' Doug repeated all their previous conversation, to get themselves quicker to Patti.

,,Oh ! Congratulations ! So, you and S-sss…''

,,Stephen,'' Doug nodded as Patti tried to remember the name.

,,Stephen, nice !'' she cheered, drinking from her coffee.

,,Yes, and now, what about you ?'' John smiled, looking at her with interest.

,, _What_ about me ?'' Patti let out a chuckle, looking back at her co-workers.

,,What about you, and…mister J. ?'' Doug supported his chin with his palm, resting his elbow against the table.

Patti laughed now a bit louder ,,You are really persistent since I told you about the cruise. Well…he probably by now finished shooting of Orient Express, so now he will have a little of time before the premiers starts, _so_ I hope he would stop by…I hope !''

John nodded ,,You said you haven't seen him since cruise ?''

Patti nodded half sadly, sighing and once again sipping from her coffee. ,,But those phone calls…especially those, when Matt's not at home, those are really worth it,'' she giggled under her breath, reminding their phone sex.

,,But phone sex, is not real sex,'' Christine smirked, looking at Patti, who nodded disappointedly.

,,I know. What can I do…but…Matt surprised me,'' she smiled at the end of the sentence.

,,Really ?'' Christine looked at her curiously, waiting for what was so surprising by Matt.

,,Yeah…two days ago, he get drunk again, BUT he start _talking_ with me and _calmly_ told me, his fears of losing me, since the cruise, and he told me, how angry he is…on himself, each time he went upon me with anger, he apologized for his behaving to me, and he _cried_. For the first time in my life I saw him crying…it was incredible. I didn't know what to say at first, but I explained him, he has nothing to fear, and he understood. He understood every word, even when he was drunk, and he didn't forced me to anything that night, not even any glare or some mark of jealousy…nothing,'' Patti smiled deliriously, with emotion in her voice.

,,So, after all _everything_ went back to _normal_ ?'' Doug asked very slowly, to be careful on his mouth, watching Patti.

,,Yes…the second morning, when he sobered, we made love, and I think…it was the best time with him since Tony's….incredibly gentle, and nice, and… _hot_ ,'' Patti bite her lip, remembering the events of one morning ago. ,,I want to surprise him today, so I'm planning something nice for weekend.''

,,That's great, I'm so glad for you two,'' Christine smiled, stoking Patti's arm, and she smiled at her, when her phone buzzed.

Patti with smile, drank from her coffee, taking her phone and checking it.

,,It's Johnny…oh, we're talking about him so he tex-oh…'' her smile froze, she put her cup down, looking at her phone.

She completely silenced.

,,What, what is it ?'' Doug impatiently asked, when Patti was looking into her phone without any word for too long.

,,That's it…he won't come…'' she shook her head, putting her phone down, and pushing it toward John and Doug. Christine stood up as John took the phone and all three looked at the text massage and picture Johnny sent.

Christine focused on the letters and read aloud ,,Her name is Emma-Valery Isabelle…she's got _your eyes_.'' And as she looked lower at the picture, she could see wonderful little baby girl, with open wide, chocolate brown eyes, in arms of her father…Johnny.

,,But that's wonderful !'' Christine smiled at Patti, who drank the rest of her coffee, and was somewhere in between depression, disappointment and emotion.

,,Patti are you alright ? Why did you said, he won't come ?'' Doug looked at her, giving her the phone back.

She opened her mouth, but words won't come out…she had to take a breath and only with her closed eyes she could speak.

,,He won't come, because his daughter was just born, and he will be with her and Amber. He will take care of them now, and he will completely forget about me…he sent me _this_ just to let me know…but he will forget…he has now _more important responsibilities_ than to fly into New York to see me,'' Patti's voice no louder than whisper, as tears filled her eyes.

,,That's not true Patti he-'' John was about to say an argument.

,,You all three know, it's true…but I _refuse_ , to forget on him !'' she stood up harshly taking her phone, and wiping away her tears.

,,Wha-what're you gonna do ?'' Christine watched her, hurrying for her purse, and her coat, following her. Both John and Doug stood up and followed them into next room as well, taking their coats, meeting Doug Wright on their way, saying their goodbye, as Patti rushed out of the building in the speed of a lightning.

,,Patti ?'' they called for her, catching her on the mid of sidewalk.

They couldn't stop her, so they just walked beside her, trying to hear her among that noise of the city as she was walking straightly, they could say determinedly across the street, not caring of people seeing her.

,,I've been thinking of this for few weeks already…and I have already studio, where I'd like to have it from. I can't live only with the memories, which may fade in few more weeks. I don't want to forget any single detail, about him. How he smelled, how he tasted, how he looked, how he made me _feel_ …'' she whimpered, as they were already far from the crowd in front of theatre, since they get too forward on the side walk. ,,I _can't forget_ about him. And I _won't_ , and _this…_ will help me to not forget,'' Patti suddenly stopped, making them all stumble, as all three watched her with interest. They looked at her, how she briefly raised her head to see the name of the shop and they gasped as she walked in 'Diamond Tattoos'.

Swiftly walking right behind her, closing doors from inside, as Patti walked further into salon.

,,Good day, I'd like to have a tattoo,'' Patti smiled at the man behind some counter, who was listing in some magazine. He doesn't look dangerous, actually he looked really polite, he wasn't tattooed by himself, and he looked even young.

,,Alright Madame, you can book a term and look for tattoo you'd like to-''

,,I want it now, and I already know, what exactly I do want. I can pay you more, if you can take me now,'' she nearly urged. If she once decided, she wanted to do it now, until she could change her mind.

Man examined her with one long look, making her nervous.

,,Alright, I was having lunch break, but alright…let's do that. Come with me,'' he turned around, and walked into another room, and Patti bravely followed.

,,Patti are you sure of what you're doing ?'' Christine asked, as they walked right behind her.

,,I knew, I know you ! You are Patti LuPone,'' Man smiled at her, crossing his hands on his chest.

,,Yeah, happy day for you, can we skip to that tattoo ?'' she nodded smiling, now less nervous than she was before a while.

,,Sure, and what it shall be then ?'' man smiled, letting her to sit in armchair, she put her purse behind her.

,, _Bunny_ ,'' she said simply, trying to not whimper during the word.

,,That sounds very nice, alright…do you want to see, what I can do, and choose in between ?'' he took one photo album from shelf, handing it to her.

,,Oh yes thank you,'' she nodded again, taking the album, and opening it.

She saw plenty of really nice works, and really nice bunnies, he was good at his job certainly.

,,Are you John Dossett ?'' man turned around, looking at the three in doors.

,,Yes, and this woman doesn't know, what she's doing,'' John uttered, looking at Patti in near disbelief.

,,Don't you dare to say I don't know, what I'm doing. I **exactly** know what I'm doing, and I wanted to do it sooner, but I hesitated…until now. If you don't want to accept it, then leave, if you want to support me, stay…'' she didn't bother to raise her head from album, still looking over photos, choosing the right one.

,,John, she's right, if she's determined, and sure, we should support her,'' Christine nodded after all.

,,Yeah, she can do any dare, I am approval of it, remember on my birthday ?'' Doug chuckled, and Patti softly smiled, remembering how she flashed him on his birthday on dare from Joanna.

,,Alright…'' John nodded, looking back at Patti.

Christine smiled, crossing her hands on her chest ,,Matt will be in rage.''

,,Oh he won't, if I involve him too,'' Patti grinned into album.

,,What ?!'' all three nearly yelped looking at Patti in shock.

She sighed, finally raising her eyes to see at them while she may explain it ,,We've already talked about it, that's why I am determined to do it…and Matt agreed, he was even for it, on one condition…I will have symbol for him too.''

Christine nodded ,,…and that is ?''

Patti grinned, raising the album and showing to her the picture of- ,,Puppy…''

,,So it will be Bunny or Puppy ?'' man looked at her smiling.

,,Both,'' Patti nodded determined, showing to him pictures of Bunny and Puppy in album.

,,Wonderful ! Alright, and _where_ it should be ?'' he took the album putting it on stand beside his chair, and showing her to sit herself in special chair, while he took clean gloves.

Patti reached to her jeans, popping the button on them and slowly unzipping them, as all three of her colleagues gasped, Christine with devilish smile and Doug with normal smile, while John was still slightly puzzled.

,,Patti you dare !'' Christine laughed, watching her.

,,Don't be silly !'' Patti chuckled, pushing the fabric of her jeans slightly away, and only slightly tugging down the upper hem of her panties, just to reveal her lower stomach, exactly where her pelvis bone was, so her privates were completely hidden.

She tugged up her shirt, to the half of her stomach, sitting on chair.

,, _Here_ -'' she put her left palm on the left side of her pelvis ,,-and _here_ ,'' putting her right palm on the opposite side on the exact spot.

,,Good, good…which one first ?'' man smiled sitting himself opposite her, taking blue thin marker, and preparing himself to draw pattern.

,,Bunny, on the right side,'' she put away her right hand, to let him work.

,,Alright,'' he smiled and slowly drew the bunny on her skin. ,,Like that ?''

Patti nodded, inhaling and exhaling, realizing, she's really doing it.

,,And puppy right here ?'' he touched with his fingers the spot on her other side of her lower stomach.

,,Yes…it's the left and it's 'closer to heart','' she giggled, leaning herself into chair.

He prepared pattern of puppy on her left side, before he prepared tattoo needle and colors. ,,As it is in book ? Black, and the heart around puppy red ?''

,,Yes, and …could you write beneath it something ?'' Patti yet asked quickly.

,,Sure ?'' he picked up the marker again. ,,Which lettering ?'' he showed her the book again, and after she chose, he asked her what it may be.

,,Below the bunny, write just _'Bunny'_ ,'' she waited till he wrote it below the bunny with the lettering she chose. ,,And below puppy write…' _Matty_ ','' she smiled at him, as he did it, and it was already wonderful. She could not tell how it will look after and she hoped the result will be even better.

,,Alright…is that all ?'' man smiled, looking at her.

Patti looked over her lower stomach, and nodded ,,Yeah. Yes that's all.''

,,Alright, let's do it,'' he smiled, bringing the tattoo needle to her skin, as she determinedly watched him, nervous of how it will feel.

Everyone watching with impatience and curiousness, down at tattoo man, and watching carefully Patti's reactions, when the needle collided with her soft peachy skin.

_It's done, now it can't be taken back…yes…now he won't just disappear from my life…even if he wanted…neither one of them…loves…_

Gritting her teeth, she suddenly completely relaxed herself against the chair, shifting to sit more comfortable.

,,How does it feel ?'' John asked watching her.

,,Actually it's not that bad…it's weird…but not bad,'' Patti nodded as tattoo man smiled at her words, he was trying to be gentle though, he could not much change the feel of the needle cutting through her skin.

,,Does it hurt ?'' Doug watched over man's shoulder.

,,Umm-no…yes…it-it stings…but it's not unbearable,'' Patti nodded, describing her feelings. ,,Labor with Joshie was worse…'' she chuckled throatily, making her three members of audience laugh.

* * *

After twenty minutes Patti get used on the pain-stinging, but still it was weird. Tattoo man asked her several times, if she wants a break, but she was determined to finish it in one run, as so he finished with one tattoo after half hour of clear time, before man went to the second one. It wasn't getting worse, it was the same, it was just on other spot.

After one hour, both tattoos were done, and Patti was about to dress.

,,Oh-wait till you dress…here,'' he gave her on that two tissues, explaining ,,It will be sore…probably for one week, I will write you which ointment you should buy for it, or…you can buy it here, and be sure, to not wash it for one month straight.''

,,One month ?'' Patti slightly bulged her eyes.

,,Minimally…'' Tattoo man said.

After zipping her pants carefully, paying for tattoos, and for ointment, and receiving instructions, she left the salon with John, Doug and Christine.

,,So…are you satisfied ?'' John asked, carefully to not upset Patti. After all he wanted to be supportive as well.

,,Yeah, I certainly won't forget about this, and on the fact I will stink for one month, and that it will be sore and probably painful for one week…and then it will remain there…for those last twenty years I have off to bed, so…yes I'm satisfied,'' Patti grinned at the end of her monologue, gently tapping at her jeans, which she shouldn't do, 'cause it was really sore.

* * *

That night Patti showed Matt, and he was impressed she really did that, and glad, she was thinking about their vow.

,,I like that, really, it's sweet from you,'' he smiled kissing her, as they were lying in their bed in bedroom.

,,Thank you,'' Patti nodded smiling at her husband.

,,Why are you thanking me ?''

,,That you're not upset-''

,,-I love that ! Kitty, come here,'' he drew her close to his chest, making extra care to not touch the sensitive parts of her body. ,,Have you texted back to Johnny ?''

,,….no.''

,,You should. After all…it's not his fault, and…what more, his new born daughter is beautiful. And, I think, it's not that crucial…he will text you back,'' Matt was smiling to her shoulder, as he was slowly falling asleep.

Patti was thinking it through, everything what he said, and it made sense. She grinned as she felt her husband breathing easily and his hand around her waist resting gently.

She turned herself on bed, slightly hissing in uncomfortable feeling as her front touched the sheet through nightgown, and she was shocked she felt it even like that. Reaching to her nightstand for her phone, she took it, and once again looked at the man she loved, and the baby girl in his arms.

Tears swam in her eyes as she wept, but this time happily. She was really beautiful, and she could see rather Johnny in her than Amber. She could see that happy face of Johnny, and it made her even more vulnerable. Deciding to respond she smiled at words she wrote.

_,,Tell Emma-Valery Isabelle, I welcome her to the world, and I hope I will see her soon. She's beautiful….xoxo Patti.''_

And she put the phone slowly back on the nightstand, leaning into Matt's embrace with touched smile, nuzzling to his protective chest.


End file.
